Molly: You've been miserable here, as long as I've known you
Carl: That's not true, we've had a blast.
Molly: Yeah, we had a blast, and now it's time for you to go. You don't belong here anymore and you know it. Come on...
Molly: ...I want you to be happy. You're not happy. You're never going to be happy here.
Carl: I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never not known what I was going to do. I've always known, there's always been the next thing to do, and now that it's all ended, I'm like, I'm like, fucking lost.
Molly: I think that's a good place to start.
Before I could get into my write up about my sister's wedding in California, one of the topics my Scottish MacPhFung and I discussed kept coming up, and with this great article that was reposted, "There's More to Life than Being Happy,"I knew I had to write down my internal ramblings and jumbled thoughts before I can move on.
Pause. Read the article, and then if you still care to read my thoughts, continue.
My answer for what I wanted to be when I grew up, and what I wanted out of life was simply to be "happy." Jaded as I am now, or rather more practical, I realize that is a very stupid answer, or at least an undeveloped and an inaccurate one. I've been commended by more than one person for "following my dream" and go to culinary school. I didn't have any large obstacles to overcome to get where I am today, and while the course of my life did change, and I am infinitely happier than if I had stayed, but I have been feeling lost and unhappy again.
"What is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness.' - Don Draper
This article states that there is more to life to being happy. The pursuit of happiness, this unalienable right, does not actually lead to being happy. Instead, what we should be doing is reframing the search to the pursuit of meaning in life. Pursuing "happiness" is often times a long winded goose chase for a vaguely defined material object, status, or insert noun here, that never seems to have a big of a pay off at the end. I guess the grass isn't greener on the other side?
So, instead of searching for happiness instead, how about finding something in your life that gives meaning instead? Frankl gives me the words to define my dissatisfaction with my current "purpose" of my job. Don't get me wrong here. Make food still gives me great pleasure and passion. But I knew from the get go that there was more to life than spending 8 to 12 hours sweating in front of a stove, with ovens at your back. But at the moment, my greatest contribution to society and life is excess carbs and diabetes.
Here's the thing though, I'm not sure it's as easy as just deciding in a day, a week, a month, that "hey, I'm going to redefine my life to find meaning." Ok, maybe it is, but enlightenment is taking a more roundabout way of illuminating for me like a blue orb of light from a magic lighter that will lead me to my hearts' desire and ultimately help save the world (HP for life).
Bottom line? Food still gives me great joy, but it doesn't give me enduring meaning. I'm just trying to figure out how to merge it all together, be ok with the inevitable stress and downsides, such as life, but live more fulfillingly overall. Thoughts?
"Meaning is not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment -- which is perhaps the most important finding of the study, according to the researchers. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning.
Meaning, on the other hand, is enduring. It connects the past to the present to the future. "Thinking beyond the present moment, into the past or future, was a sign of the relatively meaningful but unhappy life," the researchers write. "Happiness is not generally found in contemplating the past or future." That is, people who thought more about the present were happier, but people who spent more time thinking about the future or about past struggles and sufferings felt more meaning in their lives, though they were less happy."
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| Carnitas with cumin aioli and pineapple pico de gallo. Because making this made me happy today. But will it make me happy tomorrow? |
